• Logo

Friday Joke

On Fridays we tell a joke on The Daily English Show. Click on a joke title and share the joke on your favourite social network. Click on the "I don't get it" picture to see the joke explanation.
We share the drawings from Friday Joke on Flickr. You're welcome to use them as long as you credit us.

#35 God In The Bathroom

Mum, does God go to the bathroom? 
I don’t know. Why?
Well, every morning Dad goes to the bathroom, knocks on the door and shouts, "Oh, God! Are you still in there?"
From Friday Joke on Show 755.

#34 Red Tomato

Why did the tomato turn red? 
It saw the salad dressing. 
From Friday Joke on Show 748.

#33 Golf And Funeral

Dave and Tom were playing golf one Sunday afternoon.
Dave was getting ready to take a shot when a funeral procession drove past the golf course. 

Dave straightened up, held his hand over his heart and stood in silence until the procession had passed. 

“Dave I didn’t know you were so sensitive!” said Tom. “That was real respect for the dead, that was!”

“No, it was nothing,” said Dave. “How can one quiet moment compare with the 25 years she and I have had together?” 
From Friday Joke on Show 741.

#32 Three Wishes

Three boys were hanging out at the top of a cliff.
One of the boys saw a bottle and picked it up.
Suddenly a genie popped out of the bottle and said: “Thank you for releasing me from this ancient curse."
"If you jump off this cliff and call out whatever you desire, you will land safely in a boat in a bountiful pile of that which you named.”
Then the genie disappeared.
The boy thought for a while, then leapt off the cliff, calling, “GOLD”
And he landed in a boat full of gold.

The second boy thought for a while and then jumped off the cliff calling: “DIAMONDS”
And he landed in a boat full of diamonds.

The third boy was so excited that he forgot to think of anything to wish for and jumped off the cliff yelling, “WEEEEEE”.
From Friday Joke on Show 734.

#31 Bag Of Lollies

What’s in the bag? 

If I guess how many are in the bag, will you give me one? 

If you guess how many are in the bag, I’ll give you them both!

OK. Um … five?
From Friday Joke on Show 727.